I passed...19/05/2010 Wednesday 0930hrs BBDC

On the 19 of May 2010..I finially did it...I finially passed my Driving test and got my licence to Drive after 4 attempts..It was a totally humbling experience for me...

I will Like to thank the following who had been there to encourage me

They are

1. God
2. Dad
3. Mum
4. Joel
5. Zhen Wei
6. Chucky
7. Augustine
8. Wee Chong
9. Louis
10. Prem (Iam sorry....)
11. Lil sis
12. Augustine
13. Shu Min
14. PJ
15. Keith
16. Alvin
17. JY
18. Jimmy Yap (intro by Chucky My driving instruction 1 year 3 months =) )

Thanks so much for just being there ohoh And Chucky for introducing Jimmy to me..My driving instructor....Thanks alot for this one year and three months..sorry to put you thru so many engine stalls and wide turing adn all that..It is all over now i apprecaite your gudience alot...

Thanks Chucky for being there too....And louis for your support and everyone who had pull me thru without you all i will be nothing..

dad took me for a ride..IT was scary will cover more on that later..now iam tired...tiem to rest

God Bless you all....

sincerely,

john

I forgotton...

Just as i was about to write my blog my mind went totally blank not because i didn't want to blog but it is just one of the day where by my taught ran away from me ARGGGGgggggggggg...

COme back to me taughts!!!! I need you to help me finish this blog haha....

Well i guess as far as i can recall...It is somkething pleasent and not so pleasent maybe as i type things will just come back to me...I hope fingers crossed thou..course i realli cannopt recall..
Oh NO!!! This is bad...not god at all....sob sob...

Life is much better..I pluck up the courage to say a few things to Pg and seems me and louis are back as friends that is really nice..I thank God for the people who encouraged me thru out this journey...
Will i embark on a new journey or rather a new chapter in life?? Soon?? Will my taughts be the same or as screw as LAST time?? What is the road ahead for me??
I am taking my driving test the FOURTH time FOR goodness sake haha.. =) Dunno to laugh or cry.

A new course in August?? A new beginning...
To all the people who was along with me this journey i thank you..Without YOU ALL i will not be here where iam I thank God for each and everyone of you...

Sorry for the pain and the effort i will try to not let it go to waste..Thanks alot for beliving..God Bless you!!!

see you all soon...

john

When everything else fails.....

Everybody needs inspiration

Everybody needs a song

Beautiful melody, when the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee

That this life is easy

When my world is falling apart,

when there is no light to break up the dark

That's when I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home anymore

That's when I look at you

When I look at you

I see forgiveness, I see the truth

You love me for who I am

like the stars hold the moon

Right there where they belong and I know I'm not alone

When my world is falling apart,

when there is no light to break up the dark

That's when I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore and

I can't find my way home anymore

That's when I look at you

Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me

All I need every breath that I breathe

Don't you know you're beautiful

When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home anymore

That's when I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me.

It is office hours and i am blogging can you believe it...This song left a very lasting impression on me and i find the need to blog it...If not i will will forget what to say...

If time could re-arrenge itself i will not let things happen they way there were...If only...

Life is about if only...if only i did this i did not do that i did this...

Why not at that poinnt of time say this and not live to regret it

WHY!!!!!!!!!! but it is all too late...the verdict had been passed already....

it is stated already..Full stop....

You have your adgenda i have mine....You have your piorties i have mine..

you have your carrer i have mine...That was it all said and done

IF ONLY!!!!!!!!!! If only there was only...i will not let things turn out the way they were before.... =(

Bro IAM SORRY>>..... =...( Sorry if u could only hear me....

Sorry for shouting at you too....

Relationship.

Now i being to understand...What a considience..the song is playing in my I pod as i type guess waht the title of the song is "You got a friend in me" Just so as i was wanting to type or put my words of thoughts down....

Sometimes being able to type is not that bad after all....It put your mind to sleep and let somethings else take over be it the mind or the sub concious mind...Whatever we aclled it..

In office i expererience alot of things far more then what i did back then will it make me a stronger person or will it tear me to pieces...Sometimes people says it all within you..Do not laso the exterior counts?? Will it not also account for what's happeing overall??

I feel lost..25 years...Never once was i broken..this much...much lesser to primay scool..here a voice saying then DUN look back on the past there also another cvoice you cannot flare out..
It happened once in the army that changed my entire course in life in the army Just because of one stuipd incidient that i cannot control my temper..Just once..

In life ONCE is enough tto cahnge your entire life in or at whereever you are..

Why have i yet to learnt thios lesson..Peole tell me to have my own mind..When i do have They backofre me..my self why?? why is the problem forever me??

How?? Why?? WHY ME!!!!Am i wrongh?? am i really realy wrong??

I hiope that this will never happen to me in futuer if it does I will die..cannot take this anymore....
Lord if you are really there please tell me...Am i really the courese of things in my life??
Am i always the one...Can i be able to sing that song So amazing that i found my inner voice??

Amazing

I have heard my inner voice

And finally can rejoice

I was lost and way down

Never thought that I would be

Amazing but now I'm free

So you let go of love that's holding on

And you close your eyes

Never thought of being wrong

And you surrendered half your lifeTo a world of pain and sacrifice

But through it all, through it all

You make things right

Hopefully when i siing this song..The lyrcis will really mean waht it meant to me as from now ewhere i can never comprehen the meaing to these words....

These words will be left inside me..Till the day i can fully gaspe the true meaing...

Dear PG...Thanks for everything...

I now know waht you meant..but i guesss it is all to late already...

I promise i will not let your work go to waste...

I will show you that i can make it,

I dunno how but somehow i will

Wait for me...

Dun give on me just yet.....

I will be stronger this round...

I will remember the words you said to me...

Thank you Louis for everything...

For just being there...

god Bless

john

Susan Boyle

This lady....Inspire the world with her voice.. Where everyone taught she was a JOKE!! But at that very moment she sang the words to the song that very instance... the world applauded...Stood to their feet in amazement.I dreamed a Dream
She say...and she sang her dream.....She is an amazing women...

IT was simply amazing just hearing her sing.Those night where my head was heavy..Her voice puts me to sleep in a very calm manner..Hearing her sing...Make one feel like a blessed child with mummy just by your bedside singing songs of hopes and dreams...
I remember listening to two of her songs wild horses and Wings to fly...

My Gosh Humans should take a listen to it......Her voice was really really amazing!!!!

Want to spread my wings and fly

Away into the sky

How I dream to be so free

No more sadness no more pain

No more anger no more hate

How I dream to have those wings and fly into the sky

If now, I could grant my wish

I'd wish to have those wings

Those wings just like the birds

That fly up in the air

the other song

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie

I have my freedom but I don’t have much time

Faith has been broken, tears must be cried

Lets do some living after we die

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away

Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day

I just took part of her lyrics as it really meant alot..

Well i guess i will stop here..All the best Susan Boyle!!!!!

Over Again

Time to settle things down....
Time to walk the talk
But can I?
Trying to mask how I feel
Trying to be someone whom I'm not

Who are we really deep down inside?
Who are the fears
Who are the joy
Who are the tears?

We all already know
Life is about walking the talk
What we say is what we must do......

AT times typing how you really feel does help again it is all really very temporary....
It cannot be used as a long term basis...but then again...if it does really helps why dun we all do this? Cos it does not cater to everyone needs right?
ESCAPE ESCAPE now OR Never....think about it...But then where can we escape too??There is no where for us..FACE reality? or?

Never instill self pity..haha what am i saying here?? Iam all confused... LOL
Over Again

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers
The future's in the air
Can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change (Scorpions-Wind of change)

How from here???

Recently things had taken a toll on me...Iam sitting here in my office with one thing done and now yet another mcuh bigger thing has happened..Shold i drop my Accounts?? These three days were like hell for me....Friday all the way to sunday... Every second every minute every hour till the night it was the longest journey of my life.

Iam glad that i had my friends wih me on saturday evening..Where i can tell them how i feel..But that did not satifify me alot...That was just tempoary....Friday was just a day of walking to the esplanade to wathc a mini gig...playing funk music...I taught by rokcin out to their tune will make me feel much so much better i was wrong..
it did help for that thirty minutes or so...After that as i begun walking back things took for yet a change i was back to my heaviness... As i tong the mall...I saw groups of girls working adults groups of friedns walking the malls...I feel so lost i felt all alone...Where there could be a screaming corner just for us to scream...

I realise that life was so much much much more..But yet i still am unable to convinve myself...

Saturday....When for class this round it was not ok..I broke down to the core in class....I cannot take that anymore...At that very point of time i feel like walking out of the class room..And never return anymore...At that point of time my world came crumbling down...At that very instance everything seems reali reali bleak...I could write a thousands words jsut to express how i feel in that very short time of just two hours...That emotion running thru my being was not at all a good sign..I wish that time will jsut slip thur tt was all that i could think off....At that second of time..

Again iam thankfull for the laughter in class i did laught a little talk to a couple of people..That help alot alot to...

Thankfully class was soon over....the longest 2 hours of my life came to an end for that sat...After which i went to meet my friend...walked around taka while wating for him to knock off work...

As i was waiting again ...i see the crowds anfd the people around i went to the book stall to look at books that took my mind off thigns for that spilt sceond of time...

Then finially my friend knock off we headed dowon to Jurong point to meet up with the rest along teh the way we talked and laughed abit..I asked him questions about life...he answered it in a funny way but nonetheless it does or rater did make sense...
Finially we met up with the rest... Begun talking about alot of things over dinner and some desert...IT was a reali light hearted monent for me...tha tkind of bliss that i was longing for al this while since a couple of incidient back.....
Then again it was time to go home...The journey home was not as pleasent as it was..it was reather heavy and all....so heavy that i could not sleep i was broken....totally shattered totally with no reason to do anyhting...

I tried to play music i tried to watch trv i tried this and that but still that things will not get passed mi....iam tired but i was unable to sleep...But am thxful for my friends

Sunday was worst after service Mum brought us to jack place for lunch it felt as if i was goin gthur the motion it was not good at all the food was tasteless...Due to my feeling and all that...
Mum keep buging what was happeing till i finially told her

or it is me that iam makign something that others see it as simple thus only letting myself in this very state?

At home i lay in my bed hoping for an answer but it just got worst....The time yesterday flowed like millions of hours...It keep flowing....But still time waits for no men...

It hit 1am....iwas not asleep...i could not sleep..... Called couple of my friends...still it did helped g for that couple of minutes or so...after that my head became heavy and it was littliery floating in the air...even till now as i speak.....

Lord iam broken......Iam thrashed....Lord i cannot come come back anymore......